Soapbox Quickies

These are just some general statements that I’ve either picked up or made up along the way. For those that are not mine, I’ve added the source from which I received it. I reserve the right to add more as I come up with more. Please remember, these are not meant to offend anyone, so if you’re offended, remember that:

“Everyone’s entitled to my opinion”
Bumper sticker, I think

General Statements

“Thwack!”

Social Statements

“I’m happily single.”

“You expect me to remember that? I forgot what I had for breakfast this morning, and I eat the same thing every day!”

“Brilliant… let’s ban smoking on a social level but legalize marijuana on the medical level. And can you say, ‘hypocrite?’”

“I’ll probably retire before I get married.”

“There are some things I want to do before I get married… improve my golf game, retire, become a rock star…”

“I’m so excited, I’m screaming inside.”

“Life is constant self-improvement.”

“I often wonder if a hundred years from now we’ll look back and say so and so was right about this or that… but I fear that we may still be as short-sighted and self-centered as we are today.”

“I was so pissed off, that I was dehydrated.”
Dodge Co. Board Chair Swain (a Republican)

“Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of Warre, where every man is Enemy to every man; the same is consequent to the time, wherein men live without other security, than what their own strength, and their own invention shall furnish them withall. In such condition, there is no place for Industry; because the fruit thereof is uncertain: and consequently no Culture of the Earth; no Navigation, nor use of the commodities that may be imported by Sea; no commodious Building; no Instruments of moving, and removing such things as require much force; no Knowledge of the face of the Earth; no account of Time; no Arts; no Letters; no Society; and which is worst of all, continuall feare, and danger of violent death; And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short …”
Thomas Hobbes, “Leviathan”

“Lincoln made himself dictator. I could see how right wingers would be very fascinated by how you could become beloved by everybody. National hero. Suspend habeas corpus. Do in the fourth amendment. Do all kinds of… freedom of speech; the first amendment. Shut down newspapers. I mean, every dictatorial thing you could do he did out of military necessity, which is written in the constitution. Others later, whom I shall not name, have invoked this and pretended that they were wartime presidents when they were not. The war against terror is like a war against dandruff; I mean, it’s a metaphor; it’s not about anything. The Civil War is a little more serious.”
Gore Vidal, the History Channel documentary: “Lincoln”

Animals/The Environment

“I love animals… they taste great.”
Bumper sticker

“I love animals, as long as they’re someone else’s.”

“I’d love to join PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)! When do we show up for the veal dinner?”

“I don’t have any animals… I’m afraid I’d kill a houseplant.”

Discrimination

“Next year, put up a holiday tree but let it stand naked – as a tribute to the people who won’t give up until they’ve ruined a holiday tradition for the rest of us.”
Green Bay Press Gazette – Editorial – 12/06/01 – In response to lawsuits against the State of Wisconsin over the holiday tree in the Capitol Building Rotunda

“Fundamentalists are the most dangerous people; they don’t know how to open their minds to other ideas.”

“I don’t know what’s worse, the people that want to declare a holy war on the rest of us that don’t believe in Islam, or the people that want to ban Harry Potter because he’s a wizard and yet somehow celebrates Christmas.”

Health

“I’m watching my figure… I’m watching it get wider.”

“If fast food is so fast, why does it take them forever to get it to you? How hard is it for them to grab a wrapped burger out of the bin and throw it in a bag?”

Technology

“I hate computers.”

“Computers are great, when they work.”

“When is this stupid thing gonna stop crashing?”

“Ah, to go on vacation. Just think, a week without e-mail, cell phones, or any other technological distractions. Trust me, I won’t miss it.”

“The day I have to program my computer to make it work is the day I buy a shit-load of paper and pencils. Screw that Linux stuff, I’ll stick with Windows for now.”
Response to a friend who told me how great Linux is because I can program it.

“You may be able to type code quickly, but I can type a formal letter in plain English so that people know that I ain’t as full of shit as you are.”
Response to a friend who told me I should learn how to type… when I already know how to.

“If I hear a cell phone ringing while I’m camping, I’m grabbing it and chucking it into the nearest body of water.”

“Interesting how we all value our privacy, yet most of us carry cell phones.”

War

“I’m a proponent of the crystal ball effect… if I know you can nuke me, and you know I can nuke you, what do you think are the chances that we’ll try to find a compromise?”

“Simplicity is best: It’s God’s responsibility to forgive bin-Laden. It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting. Enough said.”
E-mail message from a coworker, 12/04/2001

Work

“My goal was to finish college and become a hard-working, humble civil servant. If that would’ve fallen through, I would’ve become a rock star.”

Kids

“Children are only as innocent as their parents.”

“I love kids, but I love them more when I can give them back to their parents.”
Author Unknown

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